There truly is power in the blood. Do you believe it? Amen. Amen. Patty Jackson is a very good friend of mine.
We’ve known each other for 18 years. Wow. Some incredible things have happened in the time that we’ve known each other. And I think that Patty believes that it’s time that she should share that with you. And so, without further ado, I’d like to introduce you to my friend, Patty Jackson, and she would like to give her testimony to you.
God bless you, Patty.
Thank you. Thank you, Michael. Yes, as Michael mentioned, we’ve known each other for many years, and he’s been trying for almost half that time, for about a decade, to get me to give my testimony. And I finally started doing that about a year and a half ago.Before we get started, I’d like to have a word of prayer.
Abba, I just dedicate this time to You because truly, it is because of You that I’m standing here. And I’m so thankful for your faithfulness, Lord, that you relentlessly pursue our hearts. And I just ask through Your Holy Spirit to just guide my words, Lord, You know who’s here and what needs to be said and what they need to hear. So I just dedicate this time to You, Lord, in Jesus name, amen.
So, yes, these topics we’ve been talking about this week have been so inspiring to me and have helped me to be even more at ease with sharing my story because of the courage of so many of you sitting in this audience. Thank you for sharing your stories as well. And it’s a topic that’s not really discussed much at all in churches, especially the Adventist church. And so my story is here. I offer.
I don’t have fancy slides and things, but what I offer you is my story and my heart and hope, especially for those who have had any part of abortion in any way. I’m hoping to offer that hope to you that I’ve been given through God and through Christ.
So, I am a fourth generation Adventist. I was raised in the church, in an Adventist home. We went to church every Sabbath. I’m the middle child, one of the middle children of six children. And we had our own chaos and of course, our own dysfunction as a family. But I knew that I was loved by both my parents and with my siblings. But of course, being in such a big family, I often felt kind of overlooked sometimes and maybe unheard and unseen and just tried to be the good girl and the peacemaker and try and bring everybody together. It’s kind of still my role, but it’s a good role.
I was involved in my youth group. I was active in many ways. I was a good student, and I had every intention of eventually getting married and having children. I wanted to stay pure until marriage, and that was my intent. Some things happened in my younger years that the enemy always comes in and tries to attack in some way.
And it’s usually for many of us, it’s through our sexuality. And at the age of three, I went through an experience of molestation. And I think that kind of set me up for later things that would happen. It was from a family friend who I was three at that time. He probably was about twelve. And so I didn’t have really any recollection of that for many years. But by the time I was five, I was very aware of my body. Of course, I didn’t understand sexuality at the age of five. Most people don’t, but I knew that things were awakened that should not have been awakened.
And so the enemy tried to attack me in that way. So, then fast forward to my early teenage years. Again, I’m active in the church. I’m in my youth group. I loved the Lord, loved learning Bible stories and scripture. So when, the summer of when I was 14 years old, I met a mutual friend, and he was much older than me.
It was a boy who was 17 and I was 14, and he was not a Christian. And he just really started pursuing me. And of course, I was young and naive. I really didn’t know much about much of anything other than trying to be a good student and go to church. And so I got into a situation where we started going out and hanging out, and each time we were together, boundaries were pushed a little more each time, and I felt really uncomfortable with that. And at the same time, I think because of what happened at a young age, at three years old, it was kind of like this confusing feeling of familiarity in a strange way, but yet not wanting that to happen, of course, in a different way.
And so I would tell him, I’m not comfortable with this, and he would stop. But being a 17 year old boy who wasn’t raised in any church or really with many morals to him, it wasn’t as important as it was to me. But unfortunately, I kept hanging out with him because I think during that time, even though it wasn’t the kind of attention I really wanted because I was in this big family, it was some kind of attention.
I liked the attention, I just didn’t like the kind of attention I was getting. So it was, again, a confusing time of like, well, I like being with him. He’s a gentleman in certain ways, but then in these other ways, I’m uncomfortable. And I didn’t really talk to anybody about how I was feeling because I liked the attention, I guess I just kept hanging out with him. So eventually, on my 15th birthday, a few months later, he wanted to take me out, celebrate, and took me out to this really nice, fancy restaurant.
I got dressed up. He, of course, had a car. At that age. He had a car and brought me flowers. He was a gentleman.
And so then we went out and had a lovely evening at that point. But then he said, oh, I want to take you to my house. And I assumed his family was there. I had been to his home before. His mom was a single mom, but he had other siblings, and I thought maybe they were going to celebrate my birthday with me.
So we went to his home, and the night turned out very different than I thought it would. So back in that time, we didn’t have that term date rape, but that’s essentially what happened that night. It wasn’t what I wanted, but my feelings were not respected, and the situation was not respected. So here I was on my 15th birthday. This situation happened.
I was so ashamed and really afraid to tell anybody again, my family. I’m not here to throw anybody under the bus. My parents were very loving parents, but there was a lot of other dynamics in the family. And I don’t think anybody was really paying attention to maybe the signs of what was happening. And of course, even allowing me to be hanging out with a 17 year old boy probably wasn’t the wisest thing for my parents to let me do.
But I think because they trusted me, they figured it would be okay. But this is kind of for all you parents, you’d have to be very diligent because it’s our job as parents to protect our children, so to be aware of what’s happening, but they weren’t really aware. And I think later on when they became aware, by then, I was like, anyway, that’s a little further down the road.
I didn’t tell anybody what had happened, and we continued in this relationship. And he was essentially a sex addict and probably addicted to pornography as well. And again, back in those day, this is 40 years ago, in the early 80’s, and people didn’t talk about a lot of these things, and especially in the church. So here I was in my youth group, active in my youth group, and then this other part of my life, this terrible things that were happening, and I didn’t know who to turn to.
There was nobody that I felt I could really talk to, mostly because I was ashamed to. So, a few months after my 15th birthday, I realized I was pregnant. And again, I was young and naive. I was scared. I told my boyfriend and he was like, oh, well, I have a solution. We just go to Planned Parenthood and they’ll take care of you.
And so I’m like, okay, yeah, I didn’t know exactly what that was. And he mentioned the word abortion, and I was like, I didn’t know exactly what that was, but I figured it probably wasn’t a good thing, but I was scared. And so I went there hoping that maybe I could talk to somebody there, and they pretty much told me, oh, you’re young, you’re only 15. We can take care of this problem for you. And don’t worry, it’ll be quick and easy and you get on with your life.
And so they didn’t really steer me in the direction of maybe adoption or any other options and made it sound like it was just an everyday. This happens all the time. It’s okay. So I thought, well, OK, and, and in the state of California then and now, still, you do not need parental consent to get an abortion. So again, my parents had no idea what was going on.
So my boyfriend took me there, dropped me off, he went on to work, and I was in there by myself. And it was a very difficult situation. I just remember laying on this table with bright lights in my eyes and just tears rolling down. And I know people often ask in these terrible situations, where were you? God, when I was three.
And then in this situation. But I didn’t feel that way because I knew He was always with me. Even though terrible things would happen, I knew He was always with me. And I always want to reach out to other people and be like, well, He was right. There He is there.
He never leaves us, even through these terrible things. So as I’m weeping, I’m quite certain He was weeping with me. And when I woke up, of course, I was just like, what just happened? And again, not fully understanding back then. They didn’t really have the videos and the resources now to even understand fully what an abortion is. So I really didn’t fully understand what I had done. But he came back, he picked me up, we went on and didn’t really talk about it.
And of course, I didn’t tell anybody else, didn’t tell us. All my best friends didn’t know, my parents didn’t know, my siblings didn’t know. And I just went right back into being the good student at school and involved in the youth group.
But I became, of course, more withdrawn from the shame and the guilt of just knowing this wasn’t a good situation. But because I had vowed my desire was to only be with one person in my life, I figured, well, I guess this is it. I’m kind of stuck with this person, and I suppose this is what my life is going to look like now. And we were both young. I was very young again, barely 15.
But he would say, oh, I do want to marry you someday. So I’m like, okay, well, we’ll maybe go in that direction at some point. Of course, as this relationship kept going and the sexual abuse kept happening, I just became kind of more withdrawn. And people thought I became shy, but I’m not a shy person. I just became quiet because I was dealing with so much internal struggle.
Anyway, as you continue in sin, your heart gets more calloused. That’s just how it works. And so we had used at that point, we were trying to be more careful to not get pregnant again. But I did end up pregnant again at age 17 because I stayed with this boy all through high school for four years. And I thought at this point, my heart was more calloused.
And I was like, this is not how I want to live my life. I was already. Even before finding out about that second pregnancy, I was already feeling like, I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to be in this anymore. I want to go on to college. I want to break free from this. But I didn’t know how. And God was there in his own way. And I remember I would be reading scripture.
And I know others have testified about this, too. It’s like, you’re stuck in this, and yet the Holy Spirit is, of course, there drawing. And it’s just sometimes a confusing time. So with a more calloused heart and just don’t want to have his child. And still not fully understanding what I was doing, but understanding a little more, knowing that it wasn’t a good thing, I went in for my second abortion at the age of 17.
And this time I had told my mom, and of course she begged me to not do this. And I just was like, this is what I’m going to do. And she actually came with me, which I love my mom for that I know it was very hard on her. So, we went through that again and again. I was kind of like, okay, this is over with. I want to move on with my life.
And I finally did get the courage to break up with this boy in my senior year when I was 18. So here I am, 18, two abortions. And in my head I’m thinking my life is never going to be what I thought it should be. Who will want me now? IF anybody ever knew, no good man would ever want me.
But I went forward and the Lord made a way for me to get to college. And along the way He would give me scriptures. And the one that He gave me during that time was from Psalm 25 six to seven. And it says, “remember, O Lord, your tender mercies and your loving kindness, for they have been from old. Do not remember the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions according to your mercy. Remember me for your goodness sake, O Lord.”
And I know that He was there with me, seeing beyond my situation and seeing all that He had planned for me, if I would just trust Him. So I went on to college and met some nice guys. Unfortunately, it was an Adventist university, and unfortunately, some of the guys weren’t much different than the non Christian guys. But then there were some really great guys as well.
But I didn’t feel like I deserved to be with any of them. So, I didn’t date too much. I did date one person, but then broke it off because I didn’t feel worthy. I was nearing the end of my college experience and I was doing a clinical rotation. And in that rotation I met somebody there who was a nice guy. He was not a Christian. And I knew from the start that I shouldn’t be hanging out with him. But again, because of that self worth issues, I thought, well, he’s showing me attention.
It’s not going to hurt to go out. And so we did, and we ended up dating for actually a couple of years. I graduated college. We were kind of on again, off again, because it was not a healthy relationship. But again, as you go in sin, you start lowering your standards.
And so I did end up moving in with him. He wanted to marry, but I wanted to wait. So then, of course, here it is. At this point, I’m 24 years old and done with college and into my career, living with this man. And I found out I was pregnant.
And so I was like, all right, Lord, I’m having this child. I have my career. This is good. We’re going to get married. We’ll just wait till the baby’s born. And that was probably a good thing that we waited, just because in the meantime, I found out that he was actually a heavy drug user. And I had no idea because I was very naive. I didn’t drink or do drugs or do anything. So it was a difficult situation. So I had my child and then found that out and then entered into the world of single parenting.
But on the day that my daughter was born, I remember she was born, and they placed her in my arms. And I’m just looking at this beautiful, precious life, and I was so full of joy. And then finally the full weight of what I had done previous hit me as I’m looking at this precious life in my arms. And it was just this truly bittersweet moment of sorrow and joy mixed together of like, oh, my goodness, I could have had two others like this. And, Lord, what did I do?
I murdered my own children. And it was just this moment of not condemnation, but the conviction and the repentance and just, oh, my goodness, just all this mixture of emotions. And the Lord just really was there with me. And it was mostly joyful, of course, because new life. And the Lord was just really there for me.
And during that time, He reminded me of that verse in Psalm 107:13 where it says, “Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He saved them out of their distresses. He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death and broke their chains in pieces.”
And so here I was starting a life with my precious baby girl as a single mom. And I loved being a mom, and I always knew I would love being a mom. And that’s why it was so just even into myself, it’s like, how could I have done something like that?
Yes. I didn’t fully understand, but I always wanted to be a mom, and I looked forward to it. And so the Lord gave me that opportunity. And so a few years passed. My daughter was now three. And I met someone who was an Adventist guy that I had actually known briefly in college. He came into my life, it was a mutual friend. And I thought, okay, this is an Adventist guy. He’s nice. He loves the Lord. We study the Word together.
We got to know each other through a Bible study group, and this is going to be great. He was interested. I was interested. Even though I had a child, he was good to her. And so we started getting to know each other, eventually dated and eventually married, and we had two more children. So, yes, that was a blessing. And again, the enemy always tries to come in. Remember, he tries to kill, steal, and destroy, right?
But Jesus comes to give life more abundant. So he had tried to steal my innocence, have me kill my own children. And he was wanting to destroy my marriage at that time. And unfortunately he succeeded. We were married a while, a time. And I’m not going to say I was the perfect wife, because I was not. But he chose to pursue someone else, and we couldn’t go on. We tried to make it work out, but it just couldn’t. So we ended up divorced.
And so here I am at now, 38, single mom again, with three kids, and just trusting in the Lord to help me work through all this. And the verses He gave me during that time was, especially the one was from Isaiah 54:4-6 that says, “do not fear, for you will not be ashamed nor be disgraced. For you will not be put to shame. For you will forget the shame of your youth and will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name, and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel. He is called the God of the whole earth.
For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were rejected, says your God.”
And that was for me, and I knew it was. And I claimed Him as my husband during those years. And I spent the next 16 years being a single mom, raising my kids. And my ex husband was involved. It wasn’t all just me. And I had a great support system where I was living. Michael came into my life at that time. He was coming out of homosexuality. I was coming through this terrible situation, and my dad had died at the same time.
And there was just so much I came to that place under such duress. And Michael was a safe haven, a good friend, and helped me walk through a lot of that we walked through together. So fast forward my youngest is now graduating from college, and I’m wondering, okay, what am I going to do with my life? They’re like, go get a life, mom. Okay?
Let me figure out what I’m going to do. Kids are all grown, doing their wonderful thing. And so I decided to go back to where I was raised, on a travel assignment as a therapist. I’m an occupational therapist by trade. And so I went back and went to the place of my childhood, to my home where I’d grown up, and to the place where all these other things had happened in my youth.
And the Lord was getting ready to do a work to restore my life in ways I could have never imagined. And so he took me back to my beginnings, and I was there working. And truly by His Grace. I know He doesn’t cause these things to happen, but I ended up breaking my knee at work, and so I was forced to kind of stay out there much longer than I anticipated, and it finally gave me time for the first time in many, many years, being a single mom, working full time, juggling kids, juggling everything, I finally had the time to process my life with my broken leg.
And it reminds me of the story of the shepherds, who sometimes have to break the little lamb’s legs because they’re going here and there and everywhere, and they’re not figuring it out. And he has to break their little leg and put them on their shoulder so they can learn to know the shepherd and to hear his heartbeat and to know his voice.
And I believe that’s what the Lord did for me. And so I was staying with some friends who I had grown up with in childhood and had kind of stayed in touch with one of their sisters. And so here I am in my hometown with these people that I had grown up in that hometown with, and they’re like, hey, let’s go visit our sister, our other sister. So we went, and they also had one brother who I hadn’t seen in 25 years.
And so we went up, and I re-met everybody and got re-acquainted with this particular man. And we met each other, and I thought, wow, he’s really nice. And I remember him as a kid. We all used to play together. They had six kids. We had six kids. We were all running around like crazy everywhere. So here we are face to face again, and we became friends, and we were both cautious, and he had come out of a really tumultuous relationship, and I hadn’t really dated anybody in years.
Anyway, by the grace of God, we got to know each other, and I’ll just share the one particular night that really shifted for me and how the Lord redeemed that part. He asked me. We lived 3 hours apart, so it was wonderful that we just could really get to know each other on the phone. So he asked me, you want to do these devotionals? I said, sure. And so we started into it. It was about repentance, which was not a coincidence. And there was a question at the end that asked, when was a moment that you really felt like a true repentance in your life?
And I knew when that moment was, and I was like, okay, Lord, here we go. I’m going to just share. If he runs away, he runs away. It’s okay. I’m content in my singleness. You’ve been my husband, and if I’m single, the rest of my life. That’s okay. So anyway, I shared with him what I just shared with you about holding my daughter in my arms, but I was too ashamed to share about both abortions. I honestly hadn’t with anybody until that night, but I didn’t at first.
I just told him in that moment when she was born and the repentance and why. And then he got very quiet on the phone, and I was like, oh, boy. And then I could hear him weeping, and he said, I did that too, in high school with my girlfriend, and only I did it twice. And I was like. I was like, what? I said, actually, I did too. And for the first time in my life, I felt like somebody understood my heart truly. And I felt no judgment, no shame, no nothing. Just nothing. But like, this connection to this other human being who I’d known in childhood, who I’d gotten to know over these almost a whole year.
And here we are in this moment. And I knew it wasn’t a coincidence, and I knew our lives had been so parallel, and we decided to officially start dating shortly after that courting. And then we ended up married a few months later. And the Lord, he just gave me more than I could have ever desired because I didn’t think I deserved to be fully loved. And I hadn’t fully experienced that in my youth or even in my first marriage.
Sometimes people just aren’t capable. So the Lord restored so much to me, and it’s not perfect, you know, my kids, they’re grown, but they still have the wounds from divorce. Divorce is very hard. That’s why the Lord hates it, because it does affect the children so much. So I just continue to pray for all.
He has three kids, I have three kids. They’re almost all the same ages. We are the Brady Bunch, but we’re trying to just bring it all together. But what I really want to focus on is, I know I’ve only given this testimony. This is the fifth time in a large setting that I’ve done this in the past year and a half.
And each time I’ve had a significant number of women come to me of all ages and share with me. I’ve been through that, too. And these are Adventist women. And this is happening in our church. And if it happened 40 years ago, now, it’s even more difficult to go against what the world is saying. And the world says, it’s just tissue. It’s just that. And I’ll tell you, the enemy has come against me with this, because he said, well, you had two abortions, and now you’re going to go tell other people not to do this. What a hypocrite. And the Lord said, no, if not you, then who?
And you need to be that person that you wished you had, that Adventist girl at 15 who didn’t have anyone to talk to. And if these things aren’t spoken of, then how’s healing going to come? And so I would say to the woman, for me, it’s not a political thing, it’s for the people who say, it’s my body, it’s my choice. It’s true. It is your body, and it is your choice, because even God Himself doesn’t force us.
We have free will. You do have a choice, but I would also challenge you to think of that. It’s not just your body, it’s the body of another human being that’s being knit together in your womb by God himself. And I think if people would truly. That’s my husband.
I didn’t know he was going to do that’s. Thanks for making me cry. If people were to really understand that, if I’d heard the heartbeat of my child, I don’t think I would have made that choice. And I think we make it so detached. My body, my choice, there’s many reasons, and I understand.
I was scared. I was young, I wanted to do other things in my life, and I don’t know how differently my life would have turned out. I believe that God would have still helped me achieve many things even if I’d chosen to have those children. And so I would just encourage anyone who is considering that to please, just think about it is more than just your body. And there are other options, such as adoption, and many people longing to have children.
And for anyone I know, with my husband included, there is another part of this. There’s the men who are involved in this, many of them, most of them, who didn’t want that woman to make that choice, but they had no choice. Their voice is silent. And so I would just say that for anyone who has had an abortion, who is thinking about having one, who knows someone who’s had one, or thinking of having one, the men who have either supported it or not supported it, or I’ve talked to some men who didn’t even know for years that even their own wife or their girlfriend did that. And then there’s the parents, like my mom, who went through it with me, even though it broke her heart.
And then there’s those moms who took their children to have one. So there’s so many pieces to this abortion puzzle. And I would just encourage each and every one of you to just know that God understands our situation. He is faithful. And yes, as they’ve been saying all week, He doesn’t save us in our sin. He saves us from our sin.
So, no matter what has been done to you or what you might have done to someone else, whether it’s regarding this abortion issue or any issue, any addiction, abuse, on any level, God is able to heal. It just takes that surrender and trusting Him. And I know it sounds like whatever, just people talk about that, but I am here to testify. And this is just the tip of the iceberg of my story. There’s so much more. But God has walked faithfully with me through it all. And I would just share a couple more scriptures. Just a reminder from Isaiah 61. Remember when Jesus was getting up, basically to announce His mission to the world?
He chose to read the scroll of Isaiah 61, one to three. And His mission has never changed. It remains the same. And He says, “the spirit of the Lord God is upon Me because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor. He has sent Me to heal the broken hearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives and the opening of the prison to those who are bound, to comfort all who mourn, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they may be called the trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”
So I just tell you, His mission has never changed. He wants to heal our broken hearts. He wants to break the chains, unbind us and set us free, set our hearts free to truly love and to live and forgive and to live the abundant life that He had promised. Because, yes, the enemy does come to kill, steal and destroy. But He said He has come to bring life abundant.
So I just want to say a prayer of blessing over each of you, especially those who have had any hand, any touching of the issue of abortion, because it’s a very delicate and sensitive thing. So I just pray, bow your heads, please.
Lord. Father God, I thank You for this time with this congregation. I thank You for Your faithfulness.
I thank You, Lord, that no matter what happens, that You are always there, Lord, no matter how deep a pit You reach down, Lord, You pull us out of the pit, out of the myri clay, Lord, you set our feet on a rock and you put a new song in our mouths. So, Lord, I want to especially pray tonight over anyone, Lord, any person in this room who is feeling guilt or shame over this issue of abortion.
And, Lord, really any issue, because sin is anything that keeps our hearts from you. But anyone who has had an abortion, Lord, who’s thinking of having one, who doesn’t care if they have one. If someone who knows of someone. The men involved in this, Lord, the parents, siblings, Lord, whoever it may be that needs to hear now that You love and accept, Lord, and that You are able to forgive and heal, Lord.
And I know for me the hardest part was forgiving myself. So, Lord, I just pray for the healing, Lord, that You have promised to heal the broken hearted, to bind up the wounds, Lord, and to set us free. And I just pray a special blessing, Lord, that You may guard and guide, Lord, that that someone in this room may be set free tonight, Lord, because of who You are. Thank You for Your strength, Lord, that gives us courage to speak, Lord, because we do overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our testimony. So I give you all the glory, Lord Jesus, and I thank You in Your name. Amen.